Cocks N' Pussies, Canceled

After 5 jaw-dropping seasons, the disturbing reality show, Cocks N' Pussies, has finally come to an end. The show, which uses just one camera over a 24-hour period, documents the interaction between large numbers of chickens and cats in a controlled environment. "The show had a simple idea that was fun to watch at first, but ended up being just the same thing over and over again." That was what one exec had to say when asked why the show was canceled. Many critics believed it would be a one-hit wonder, but the show ended up lasting 5 seasons and made a boat load of money because of the low production costs. When the news first broke about the show being canceled, there was a huge outcry from Slug-Abusers because they love the show. Famous comedian and former Slug-Abuser, Jules Posner, was quoted as saying, "Slugs and Cock's N' Pussy's used to be my oasis, I can't imagine what Sluggers are goin' thru right now."

So You Think You Can Hump? Season 2?

Tiger Woods, 10 years ago today, released the first-ever reality-based "sexumentary," entitled So You Think You Can Hump?, in which Woods attempted to have sex with 50 different women in 5 days. Before the show was even aired, several experts declared this task to be "impossible" and "inhumane." One sexologist even proclaimed, "It just doesn't work that way." Apparently, it did work that way, because Woods ended up screwing an astounding 77 women in 5 days, a record for a reality-based sexumentary that was recently broken by former President Barack Obama's show entitled Yes, I Can.

As we all know, Tiger Woods hates to lose. Multiple sources have confirmed that Woods is leaving his home on Planet F-3-ajeX to return to Earth in hopes of shattering Obama's new record. It is rumored that Woods is setting his goal a bit higher this time and he is going to attempt to sleep with 200 women in 10 days. It's been 10 years since Tiger's first show aired, but many believe he still has what it takes. One executive informed me that in order to generate more buzz for the show they plan to change the name from So You Think You Can Hump? to Bitches, Blondes, and Bodies.

Jeff Probst Retires

Jeff Probst, the host of the long-time reality television show Survior, has retired after 67 seasons with the show. Probst has hosted all 67 seasons, except two. In the 55th season, Probst decided he wanted to be a contestant and gave Survivor: Mars a try. Probst was the first castaway kicked off the planet. Probst swore never to play the game again, until last season when he gave it another go on Survivor: Venus. He once again proved that he didn't have what it takes to play the game and was the first castaway kicked off the planet. Probst has been publicly humiliated for his poor performance, throwing temper tantrums, and trying to seduce the other castaways, women and men. Sources confirm that Probst is retiring due to his lack of ability to "survive." A new host for the show has not been determined, but Morgan Freeman Jr., appears to be the front runner for the job.

Jersey Shore is Leaving the Shore?

After 24 seasons of fist-pumping and grenade-humping, the cast of Jersey Shore have decided to call it quits. Over the years, there have been so many ups and downs -- from Ronnie's battle with steroids to The Situation's 1,000th non-consensual sex partner/STD Man of the Year award to J-Wow's sex-change and to Pauly D's struggle against HIV. The Situation has compared the cast's departure to the deaths of Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and Michael Jackson... combined. Shnookie was quoted saying in a drug-induced state, "There has never been a show like this." When asked by the reporter, "What about The Real World?" she simply replied, "This is the real world...silly."

One source confirmed yesterday that Jersey Shore isn't finished just yet. Apparently,  MTV plans to bring on a whole new batch of guidos and guidettes and plans to take the cast away from the Jersey Shore and everything that they know is real. One executive was quoted as saying, "The past 24 seasons have been great, sort of. We are in negotiations right now to have the new cast go to the Moon, where no booze, tanning, or fist-pumping is tolerated. I think this could bring a whole new dynamic to the show." Is taking the new cast members away from everything that they know a good idea?